I think the best evidence that I'm burning out is that I'm losing my sense of humor. I made a wrong turn on my bike today, ending up through poor Pokhara neighborhoods, and I didn't notice anything around me, just wondered "when can I get back to tourist haven Lakeside?" My sandal broke on the way, and I cursed. Kids bother me. I bought a snack from a street vendor and a kid just walked up and held out his hand. Nobody (beggar or shopkeeper) takes no for an answer; you have to hardcore shun. And I find this all depressing, not whimsical or even tolerable. I just want to hide all day in a German Bakery with a cup of Nepali organic coffee and copious wi-fi. (these are all ubiquitous here.)
I'm not catastrophizing, though. Most likely I am just a bit burned out, and even when I'm "resting", I'm getting up at 5 AM to see a sunrise or trucking it to some place I don't even care about, so I'm not recharging anything. I've still got a few days in Kathmandu to try actually taking it easy; perhaps that will help.
If I were to catastrophize, I might wonder why my ventures are less frequently to random unexplored places, and more frequently to whatever tourist attraction I read about. Why I'm not even tough enough to subject myself to the rigors of a guided trek. Why, to put it most succinctly, why I am not Henry Rollins. But this would be foolish, like a beginning piano student wondering why he's not Mozart. I am where I am, continually learning, and that is fine.
Unrelatedly, a couple of my favorite travel bloggers are in Iran. Here's why they decided to go there. It's a lot like my reasoning, actually.
I'm not catastrophizing, though. Most likely I am just a bit burned out, and even when I'm "resting", I'm getting up at 5 AM to see a sunrise or trucking it to some place I don't even care about, so I'm not recharging anything. I've still got a few days in Kathmandu to try actually taking it easy; perhaps that will help.
If I were to catastrophize, I might wonder why my ventures are less frequently to random unexplored places, and more frequently to whatever tourist attraction I read about. Why I'm not even tough enough to subject myself to the rigors of a guided trek. Why, to put it most succinctly, why I am not Henry Rollins. But this would be foolish, like a beginning piano student wondering why he's not Mozart. I am where I am, continually learning, and that is fine.
Unrelatedly, a couple of my favorite travel bloggers are in Iran. Here's why they decided to go there. It's a lot like my reasoning, actually.
Well, of course you are tired, mentally and physically. Every day is a challenge, and the begging makes it harder on many levels. It's why there is, after all, no place like home. It's also why it is so good to return home even after a couple of weeks abroad. So, maybe do less?
ReplyDeleteI get the Iran quest, but there is no USA clout in such a place if anything goes wrong. I don't like that, but that's me.
On a related note, Glen B asked me yesterday what it takes to have a blog, and I responded, "You have to be interesting." I have no blog.
bahaha dad, "..i have no blog". neither do i! and i enjoy reading yours, dan.
ReplyDeletesorry to hear about burnout or exhaustion..but from reading your blog you are doing so many unusual things! do not worry about feeling tired or burnt out, it seems like it would happen to anyone. hopefully you will find some rest and fun activities soon. we are all thinking of you.
Hi Dan,
ReplyDeleteWas thinking about you today. Then, read your blog. Now I'm thinking about what makes me toasty. Hm.
Love you
Aww, thanks. I think it will soon pass.
ReplyDeleteI'm wondering if there's some wisdom to be gained pushing through this. It'd be a different mindset if I were going home next week. Now I just have to learn to deal. (also one reason I question the merits of hanging out in tourist areas; I can hide from my culture shock. Oh well, here I am.)
And you don't have to be interesting to have a blog- I've had one for years. You just have to like to talk a lot :)